BREAKING: Tyreek Hill Is Fucking Fassssssssst
I'm pretty sure we all knew that Tyreek Hill was fast before today. But did you know he was fassssssssst? That's (starts pointing and counting with both hands) 10 S's worth is fastness! Okay, we probably knew that too and I bet Tyreek can hit the 23 MPH threshold if he wanted to. But still, it's one thing to get behind the defense and catch bombs from a cheat code quarterback with a laser, rock arm. It's quite another to make a guy breaking off the longest touchdown run in Chiefs history and every Vikings defender on the field look slower than your typical Barstool blogger as you recreate the moment Willie Mays Hays played himself into a roster spot on the 1989 Cleveland Indians.
I know I no longer have to say stuff like this since he is no longer on my team. But if Odell Beckham Jr. did this, there would be an angry Twitter mob screaming that he only did that to show up his teammate while known good guy* Tyreek Hill gets the OMG treatment for being a freak of nature by everyone except for Damien Williams, who probably wishes Tyreek just looked for a guy to block instead of making Damien look slower than late phase Larry Johnson after roughly 800,000 career carries.
*Sarcasm